Before He Cheats
by Angelic Guardian
Summary: While cheating on a test, Cartman accidentally discovers Kyle's secret. Kyle is willing to do whatever it takes to keep Cartman's mouth shut. After all, it's better to risk your dignity than a lifelong friendship, right?
1. The White People Method

Author's note: This fanfic was inspired by a conversation I overheard at school the other day. A girl in my class was telling her friend about a few people who decided to cheat of off each other during a test. And once she said that, this idea literally popped into my head, and the rest of the story just started coming together.

Disclaimer: South Park is © Trey Parker and Matt Stone (aka two sexy geniuses) as well as Comedy Central.

Cartman shifted around in his seat uncomfortably. He glanced up at the clock. 11:53 AM. He only had to survive 7 more minutes until lunch. He rested his elbows on his desk and slumped down. He looked at his blank math test and decided to finally start writing in random numbers.

"_Let's see hyah…the square root of 144…" _he contemplated the answer. "_6? Yeah, it's totally 6."_ He jotted it down on his paper. He proceeded to make stupid guesses for the next 30 seconds, until his eyes started wandering to his classmates sitting around him. He squinted at the tests on each of their desks, and sure enough, he could just about make out what they were writing.

A vicious grin appeared on his face. All he had to do now was figure out who exactly he was going to cheat off of.

He looked to his right. Butters? Nah, he's a dumbass. Clyde? Hell no, he's a fucking retard. Token? Definitely not, he's black.

He looked to his left. Kyle. Cartman smirked. Of course, that fucking know-it-all Jew. He'd obviously know all of the right answers.

He began leaning forward, trying his hardest to focus on Kyle's paper. He managed to see a few answers near the bottom of the page. Hastily erasing and re-writing on his own test, Cartman looked back at Kyle's. He suddenly stopped writing.

Kyle was already done with his test, but he was busy writing something else in the bottom corner of his scrap paper. Cartman carefully watched as Kyle traced two names, surrounded with tiny hearts.

Cartman leaned closer to make sure he was reading it correctly. He moved all the way near the edge of his chair, when he felt himself crashing down onto the floor.

The entire class swiveled around after hearing the loud thud. They each stared at Cartman, who was now swearing under his breath and rubbing the arm he had fallen on.

Mr. Garrison had finally looked up from his romance novel to see Cartman on the floor. "Is there a problem, Eric?" he asked with an annoyed sigh.

"Uh," Cartman said, frantically searching for an excuse. "Craig pushed me!"

"But…I'm all the way over here," Craig said, speaking from the back of the room.

Cartman scowled at him. Mr. Garrison rolled his eyes. "Just, go back to your seat, and shut the hell up."

Everyone continued to watch in silence as Cartman returned to his desk. He looked over at Kyle, who had that 'you're such a Goddamn idiot' look on his face. Cartman chuckled to himself.

"_Just wait, Jew…I'm about to make your life a living hell."_

The bell rang a few seconds later, and the students handed over their tests on their way out of the classroom. Cartman was the last one to place his test on Mr. Garrison's desk.

"Eric," Mr. Garrison said, catching him as he was about to leave the room. "What exactly were you trying to do just now?"

Cartman froze. "I, uh, I was just…" He paused, and decided that he was not about to take the defensive on this. "Why, what did you think I was trying to do? Cheat or something? I am offended, Mr. Garrison."

"Well, no I…" Mr. Garrison began, somewhat taken aback. "Nevermind, just stop screwing around, that's all."

"Of course, teacher," Cartman said as he left.

He walked into the hallway, shoving kids out of his way as he tried to find Kyle. "Hey, Jew!" he called out, after spotting him at his locker.

Kyle looked up to see Cartman walking toward him. "What the hell do you want, fatass?" he asked with an impatient tone in his voice.

"Oh, nothing," Cartman said casually.

"Okay then," Kyle said. He slammed his locker shut and began to walk away, but Cartman followed behind him. Kyle tried to ignore him, but he grew more and more frustrated with each step, knowing that Cartman was right behind him. "What?!" he said, glaring at him.

"Nothing," Cartman repeated.

"Then why the FUCK are you following me?!" Kyle asked angrily.

"Well, actually…" Cartman trailed off, looking down at the ground and then back at Kyle to be sure that he didn't miss the look on his face. "I just found out something kinda interesting about you, Kyle."

Kyle blinked, an eye brow raised. "Huh?"

"Yeah, something that I doubt anyone else knows about you," Cartman vaguely explained.

"Dude, what are you-"

"Oh, it's no big deal, Kyle," Cartman said. "I'm sure people would LOVE to find out about your…" He paused, preparing himself to savor Kyle's reaction that he had been anticipating.

"…secret crush," he finished with a sly grin.

"WHAT?!" Kyle screamed, his eyes widening out of shock. "Dude, I…how did you…I mean…" He yanked at his own shirt collar, feeling extremely uneasy.

"How did I…find out about your little secret?" Cartman suggested for the nervous Jew. "Let's just say…I can be _very_ sneaky when I want to be."

Kyle's eyes darted back and forth. He quickly shoved Cartman into the nearby boys' bathroom. Once they were inside, he checked the stalls, and then by the sinks, where he saw Butters washing his hands.

"Dude, get outta here!" he yelled.

"But Kyle, if I don't wash my hands, my parents will-"

"DUDE! YOUR PARENTS AREN'T FUCKING HERE RIGHT NOW, DUMBASS!"

"B-but, if I get home and my parents see that my hands aren't squeaky clean, I'll get in big trouble!" Butters went on. "They already warned me that if I don't wash my hands, a monster will come and rape me and then-"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Kyle shouted, completely losing his patience at the thought of Butters' ignorance. He finally grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out the door.

"Wait! I didn't dry my hands!" Butters whimpered. "Oh, jeez!"

Kyle shut the bathroom door and pressed his back against it so that no one else could enter. "Alright," he said, lowering his voice. "Who told you?"

"Told me what, Kyle?" Cartman asked innocently.

"Don't start with me, Cartman! Just tell me how you know," Kyle insisted.

"That's not really important, is it, Jew?" Cartman asked, attempting to put the focus back on Kyle. "What's important here is that I know, and I may or may not keep this secret of yours to myself…"

Kyle's fury built up inside of him. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, I would, Kyle," Cartman threatened. "In fact, maybe I'll go tell him right now," he threatened.

"No, dude, please," Kyle begged. "You can't! It'll ruin our friendship completely."

"Oh my God!" Cartman said melodramatically. "Not your precious friendship!"

Kyle stared at the evil son of a bitch. He was at an utter loss of what to do or what to say next. He took a deep breath and hesitated before he spoke again. "Okay, look…what will it take for me to get you to shut up about this?"

As soon as he had finished asking the question, he immediately regretted it, and he watched as Cartman's face lit up.


	2. Rat or Rhino

**Author's note: Thank you so much for the reviews! :D I really appreciate your feedback; it's what motivates me to keep writing. I'm glad you guys like the story so far.**

Kyle took a long look at himself in the mirror that following morning. He sighed. "I look like a retard," he complained. After adding one last piece to his new attire, he sprinted out of his room, hoping he could sneak out of his own house without one of his family members catching him.

He raced down the staircase, where he could see the door straight ahead of him. He was almost in the clear, when he came to a halt. "_Shit, my backpack!" _ He just remembered that he had left it upstairs. He turned back around and tiptoed his way back up. He then slipped back into his room and grabbed his backpack, feeling a sense of relief as he left once more.

All of a sudden, Kyle heard the sound of a door creaking open. "_Fuck!" _Before he could reach the stairs again, it was already too late. Standing in the doorway was his little brother, Ike, a blank look on his face.

"Uh…good morning," Kyle said, secretly praying that Ike wouldn't make a comment about the way he looked.

Ike gaped at his older brother. "Bunny rabbit!" he said excitedly, throwing his arms up in the air.

"Shh!" Kyle shushed him. He crouched down so that he was within Ike's eye level. "No, Ike, I'm not a bunny rabbit," he hurriedly clarified. "I'm a-"

"Ike, sweetie, are you up?" Sheila called from the living room.

"Oh my GOD," Kyle groaned. Of all the people that Kyle didn't want to see while he was dressed like this, his mother was absolutely one of them. "Ike, cover for me!" he ordered as he rushed back into his room one last time, closing the door behind him.

Sheila had just reached the top of the flight of stairs when she heard Kyle's door slam. "Was that your brother? He's going to be late for school!"

Just as she was about to knock on Kyle's door, Ike ran over to his mother and clutched onto her leg. "Mommy! I like porn!"

"WHAAAAAT?!" Sheila shrieked at the top of her lungs. Ike continued to squeeze her leg. He was a master at distracting her like this.

Meanwhile, while Sheila was flipping out, Kyle had already opened his window and was halfway down the side of his house. He shakily held onto the small ridges of the outside wall, when he felt his hands starting to slip. He struggled to hold on, until he finally lost all of his strength and collapsed into the bush right beside his house.

"Ow," he managed to choke out as he slowly lifted himself up from the ground. Although he was hurting now, he realized that the physical pain he had just endured would be nothing compared to the merciless teasing he was about to face once he actually got to school. He trudged up the sidewalk and braced himself as he pushed the doors to the school open.

He took a step inside, and almost immediately upon entering, the halls grew silent. Kyle looked down at the ground, ashamed. He could hear the whispers and suppressed giggles as he passed by.

Kyle reached his locker after what felt like an eternity to him. He hit his forehead against it and remained standing that way, wishing he could just disappear.

After only a few seconds of peace, Kyle heard the sound of footsteps approaching him. He didn't bother to budge, for he already knew who it was. "There you are, Jew," Cartman said eagerly. "I didn't think you were gonna show up. Let me get a good look at you."

Kyle groggily turned to him, a cold look on his face. Cartman's eyes moved up and down. He put a hand to his mouth, but his seemingly calm attitude faded once he burst out into laughter. "AHAHAHAHAHA!" Cartman scoffed uncontrollably. His hands clasped around his stomach as he fell to the ground.

"Are you done?!" Kyle asked with impatience.

"Oh my God," Cartman gasped for air. "Holy shit…this is WAY more awesome than I thought it was gonna be!"

"You…_imagined_ how this would be?" Kyle asked, perplexed.

"Yeah, that's right you JEW RAT!" Cartman exclaimed, pointing at the fuzzy rat ears that rested on top of Kyle's hat. "CHECK OUT THOSE WHISKERS! AND THE RAT NOSE! Oh God, let me see your tail!"

Kyle rolled his eyes with a huff. He turned his back to Cartman, revealing the long rat tail that was pinned to the bottom of his jacket. Cartman broke into laughter a second time.

"This is seriously one of the best ideas I've EVER had!" Cartman reassured himself. "I can't believe you actually fucking agreed to do it."

"Well I didn't really have a choice, asshole!" Kyle retorted.

Cartman smirked, recalling the deal they had made yesterday in the bathroom. "Yes, that's right. Have a _great_ day, Jew rat."

Kyle cringed at the nickname, which now, thanks to Cartman, was taken to an entirely different level. He sauntered into the classroom, able to feel the confused gazes of his classmates without actually looking at them. He took a seat at his desk and tried to hide his face behind his notebook.

"Okay, children, let's take our sea-" Mr. Garrison cut off his own sentence as soon as he noticed Kyle's rat ears poking above his book. "What in the world?" Mr. Garrison wondered aloud as he walked over and took the book out of Kyle's hands. "Kyle…why the hell are you dressed like a…mouse, is it?"

"Rat," Kyle murmured.

"What was that?" Mr. Garrison asked him.

"You're some kinda gerbil, aren't you?" Clyde speculated. The other kids began calling out other possible animals as well.

"Guinea pig?"

"Hamster?"

"Squirrel?"

"Rhinoceros?"

"RHINOCEROS?!" Kyle reiterated. "Are you guys serious?! I'm a fucking rat!"

"Oh, that makes sense," Mr. Garrison said with a nod. "Well then, let's get started with today's lesson, shall we?"

Kyle buried his face in his hands. He heard Cartman snickering, as well as a few other people around him. "Kill me now," he whispered to himself.

A few hours later, lunchtime had arrived. Kyle anxiously waited on the line in the cafeteria. He had barely survived the taunts being thrown at him during class, and yet he knew that it would be impossible to ignore anyone now. It was only a matter of time before someone just flat out asked him about his reasons for wearing his ridiculous apparel.

"Dude, Kyle!"

Kyle snapped out of his thoughts and back to reality when he heard his name being called. He turned his head to find his best friend, Stan, walking up to him.

"Dude," Stan said. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Uh…sure," Kyle said, stepping out of the lunch line. Stan pulled him aside.

"Okay, dude, this has been bugging me all day," Stan began. He stared at the whiskers that were painted on Kyle's face. "Why the fuck are you wearing a rat costume?"

Kyle reached up and put a hand to his rat ears. "What, this?" he asked stupidly. "It, uh, it was just a dare, that's all."

"A dare?" Stan echoed. He didn't seem to be convinced that this was the truth. "By who…Cartman?"

"Of course, dude!" Kyle said. "No one else would ever make me do something like this."

"Well, yeah, I guess that's true," Stan agreed. "But dude…why?"

"Dude, I don't fucking know!" he replied. "You know how Cartman is. He ALWAYS comes up with crazy shit like this."

"I know, I know, he's a retard," Stan said as if it were common knowledge. "I mean, why did you actually agree wear that? You fucking hate Cartman. You shouldn't do what he wants."

"Look, dude, everyone knows that I can't stand that fat fuck," Kyle said, almost gritting his teeth. "But it's…complicated. Let's just leave it at that." He pushed Stan aside and headed back to the lunch line.

"_He's on to me…_" Kyle worried in secrecy. "_I'm so screwed."_


	3. Pucker Up

Author's Note: I had some major writer's block for this chapter, which was annoying because I already had other stuff planned for later on in the story, but I didn't want to rush into it…(if that makes sense.) Anyway, thanks again for the reviews! (Oh, and to jusAgurl93x, Cartman found out about Kyle's crush while he was trying to cheat off of him on their math test. He saw Kyle doodling hearts and two names…his own name and SOMEBODY ELSE'S! OMG.) ;D

* * *

The dismissal bell had rung at last. Kyle immediately dashed out of the school, taking off his rat clothing piece by piece in the process. He tore off the ears and plastic nose, and he proceeded to unclip the tail. All that remained from his embarrassing costume were the painted on whiskers. He figured he would just wash them off when he got home. He looked back just to be sure that Cartman was nowhere within sight.

He decided to dispose of the rat items before he started to head home. There was no way in hell he wanted to keep them as reminders of this horrendous experience. He turned the corner, where the dumpster was located behind the school.

"What do you think you're doing with that stuff, Kyle?"

Kyle stopped and faced the intruder. "Fatass…how the fuck do you ALWAYS find me? It's starting to fucking creep me out, dude, seriously."

"Shut up, Kyle," Cartman commanded. "And give those back, they're mine."

Kyle grudgingly handed the contents over to Cartman. He folded his arms over his chest and watched as Cartman inspected the rat tail.

"Yeah, I'll just hold onto this stuff," Cartman said while he stuffed the garments in his coat pocket. "You never know when they'll be needed again."

Kyle narrowed his eyes. "Fuck you. I'm NEVER wearing that ever again."

"Well, you still have to do whatever I want," Cartman informed him. "That WAS our agreement, Kyle. I promised I wouldn't tell…in exchange for you becoming my slave."

"I'm not your SLAVE, you fucking dick," Kyle corrected in his usual aggravated tone that he had whenever he talked to Cartman. "I told you that I would wear that stupid Goddamn costume as long as you agreed to keep you fat fucking mouth shut!"

"And NOW you have to do something else for me," Cartman said with a cunning smile. He took a step toward Kyle and whispered something in his ear. Kyle's pissed off expression faded away and transformed into a horrified one.

"No, I won't do it, Cartman!" Kyle protested. "And don't think you can manipulate me into doing it, either. I'm smarter than that."

Cartman shrugged. "Fine, Kyle, if you won't do it, then I guess that means I can let your secret accidentally slip." He made air quotes with his hands as he said the word 'accidentally.'

"But…why the fuck do I have to do _that_?" Kyle griped.

The answer to that question was too easy for Cartman. "I just love watching you humiliate yourself," he replied.

"I hate you," Kyle said, unable to really say anything else. He was under Cartman's control, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

Cartman patted Kyle's back. "Don't worry…I'm sure _he'll_ enjoy it."

Kyle jerked away from Cartman. "You're sick."

Cartman lowered his eyebrows in anger. "Yeah, well, at least I'm not in love with-"

Kyle kicked Cartman before he could say the name. Cartman wailed from the excruciating pain. "Ay! I already went through this with you! Stop kicking me in the nuts!"

"Oh, right, I forgot," Kyle said, grinning. "Faggot."

Cartman coughed. His hands clamped over his lower body parts. "I'm not…" he struggled to speak "…a fag!"

"Wouldn't be surprised," Kyle commented as he walked away.

"Fuck…you…Jew," Cartman said through his teeth.

The next day, Kyle arrived to school much earlier than he had the day before. There were only a few other kids in the hallway besides him, but every single one of them took the time to stop whatever they were doing when they noticed Kyle walking through the corridors. Each of Kyle's peers hoped to catch him wearing a new crazy costume. Rumors had floated around that he was going to dress up as a giraffe or possibly a fairy next. They were all disheartened when Kyle was seen wearing his standard green hat and orange jacket.

Kyle reached the spot where he was told to meet Cartman, the janitor's closet. He anxiously looked at the clock that hung above the door, and he wondered what was taking that fatass so long. He just wanted to get this over with.

There was a tap on Kyle's shoulder. He jolted because of it, nearly giving himself a heart attack. "WHAT THE FUCK! Don't sneak up on me like that!" he screamed, thinking it was Cartman, but was taken by surprise once he figured out that it wasn't. "Wendy?"

"Um, hi Kyle," she greeted. "I'm sorry, I guess I should've said something first."

"Oh, no, I'm sorry, I thought you were…someone else," Kyle said, trying to maintain his composure.

"Mind if I ask why you're here at this hour? I don't think I've ever seen you at school this early in the morning before," Wendy pondered.

"I, uh, I'm," Kyle tripped over his words. He could feel his face growing hot. "Cartman told me to meet him here, so I was just waiting for him."

"Cartman?" Wendy said his name with distaste.

"Y-yeah," Kyle stammered. He tried to change the subject before she started to ask more questions. "But, what are _you_ doing here so early?"

"Oh, I always get to school around this time," Wendy answered. "I like to catch up on my reading." She held up a book she was carrying so that he could see.

As Kyle tried to read the title on the book cover, he felt the presence of somebody else drawing closer. Of course, perfect timing.

"Well, well, well. What's going on over here?"

Wendy and Kyle looked up to see Cartman standing in front of them. He had a suspicious look on his face.

Wendy looked back at Kyle. "I'd better get going. I'll see you guys in class."

"Skank," Cartman muttered as she passed by him.

"Douche bag," she hissed back.

Cartman waited until she was no longer within earshot before he turned to speak to Kyle. "Now _that_ was interesting. What exactly were you talking about with your best friend's girlfriend, Kyle?"

"Nothing! Can you just tell me what to do now?" Kyle demanded.

"Oh, I think you already know what to do, Kyle. Why don't you go find him?" Cartman proposed. "I believe he's over by his locker."

"Fine," Kyle agreed. He stomped away, but Cartman tagged along with him. He couldn't wait to witness what Kyle was about to do.

Kyle stopped when he saw Kenny by his locker, and he gulped nervously. "Do I _really_ have to do this?"

Cartman could barely contain his excitement. "Yes," he said as he gave Kyle a nudge. Kyle grumbled and walked forward in Kenny's direction.

"Hey, dude."

"Hmm? Oh, hey Kyle, what's up?" Kenny asked.

"Nothing much…" Kyle said, but then he noticed that Kenny wasn't even paying attention to him. "Dude, what are you looking at?"

"Bebe's tits," Kenny responded on impulse.

Kyle glimpse behind him, and there was Bebe, talking to Wendy.

"You know who also has hot tits? Red. Oh, and Heidi," Kenny said.

"Dude, what the hell? Is this what you do all day? Stare at girls' boobs?" Kyle asked.

Kenny actually looked at Kyle now. "Yeah, so what? Oh, and Wendy's hot too. I wish I could see her naked…"

"Dude! That's Stan's girlfriend!" Kyle said, amazed that Kenny was _this_ perverted.

"So fucking what? She's hot," Kenny confirmed.

Kyle's stomach churned, partly because he was now thinking about Wendy, but mostly because he remembered why he was even talking to Kenny in the first place. His hands started shaking as he placed them on top of Kenny's shoulders. He steadied his grasp, and then he leaned in and pressed his lips onto Kenny's, pulling him closer.

Everyone's jaws dropped. Including Wendy's.


	4. Confession

Author's Note: XD Wow. I wasn't expecting to get such surprised reactions. I thought the title for the previous chapter kinda gave away what was going to happen. This chapter, however, contains the real surprise that I've had planned since the beginning. (By the way, to andrew, this is definitely NOT a gay, perverted story. I'm not even quite sure what you mean by that.)

* * *

Every single person that was standing in the hallway during that time had flocked around Kyle and Kenny. Many people cheered them on and encouraged them by whistling and hollering out various things such as "LET'S SEE SOME TONGUE!" and "TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF!" Everyone else watched silently, enticed by the plain fact that the two boys were still actually going at it.

They separated from one another after everyone else finally started to quiet down. Kenny stared at Kyle blankly.

"What the fuck was that for?" Kenny broke the tension with his question. There were no signs of anger or disgust in his voice. He just really wanted to know why Kyle randomly decided to jam his tongue down his throat out of nowhere.

Kyle drew his arms back to his side. He looked around at the kids in the crowd, each with enthusiastic expressions on their faces, ready to hear the excuse that Kyle was about to come up with.

"Because…" his mind drew a blank, but then he remembered the explanation he had given Stan the other day when he was asked about the rat costume. "…it was a dare."

"Oh," Kenny simply reacted. "Okay." He picked up his backpack that was lying on the ground next to his locker. "By the way," he added just as he was about to leave. "I liked the way your kosher lips tasted."

Kyle looked down in embarrassment, and by the time his eyes moved up again, Kenny was already gone. He stood motionless in the awkward atmosphere with everyone surrounding him. He couldn't bear to face anybody, especially Cartman, whose laughter he could hear from all the way down the hall.

He pushed his way out of the horde of children. Everyone watched in amazement as he ran away, but they dispersed when the morning bell rang.

"Wow, there goes my shot with Kyle," Bebe said, walking alongside Wendy, "and Kenny, if I was ever that desperate. We all know what a whore he can be."

"They're not gay, Bebe," Wendy corrected her, though she was still hardly able to think straight after witnessing what had just happened. "He said it was just a dare. I'm sure Cartman put him up to it."

"I dunno," Bebe disagreed. "It looked pretty convincing to me, like they were both enjoying it or something."

Wendy contemplated the possibility that Kyle was, in fact, gay, but she couldn't come to the conclusion that it was true. She knew that nobody in their right mind would ever agree to do something that humiliating unless there were some other reasons behind it. She just couldn't seem to figure out what those reasons could possibly be. She became so lost in her own thoughts that she was no longer paying attention to where she was walking, and she collided right into somebody walking in the opposite direction. The force from the crash knocked her right to the ground.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry, Wendy!" Kyle apologized frantically. He offered his hand in order to help her up.

"It's okay, I wasn't watching where I was going," she admitted. She extended her arm out and grabbed onto Kyle's hand. He tightened his grip around Wendy's hand as he pulled her off of the ground.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"Don't mention it," Kyle replied in an equally meager fashion.

Their eyes diverted from one another and moved toward their hands that were intertwined. Kyle felt the butterflies fluttering about in his stomach. And as much as wanted to keep holding on, to savor the nervous energy that was so beautiful and wonderful, he knew that he just couldn't. He released his hand from Wendy's and hid it behind his back.

"Sorry," he whispered, blushing profusely.

Wendy watched him carefully and secretly wondered why he was even apologizing in the first place. She realized that her cheeks were getting warm as well. "Um, we're going to be late to class," she advised him.

The two hurried into the classroom, neither one making eye contact again. Mr. Garrison came in shortly afterward. "Okay, settle down, children," Mr. Garrison attempted to quiet down his noisy students. "Jesus, what's all the fuss about?"

"Kyle kissed Kenny!" Butters blurted out.

"What?" Mr. Garrison wasn't sure if he was hearing him correctly.

"I-It's true!" Butters tried to convince him. "I saw it myself! I was just mindin' my own business, gettin' a drink from the water fountain, when all of a sudden, I saw Kyle and Kenny startin' to m-make out."

Mr. Garrison tilted his head to the side. "You don't say?"

"I just did, sir," Butters confirmed. "Personally, I'm just glad that I'm not the only bi-curious kid around here."

The class erupted into laughter. Mr. Garrison took out his ruler. "Alright, alright, that's enough!" he bellowed as he whacked the ruler against his desk. "The next person that starts to laugh again has to whack my ass with this." He slapped the ruler back and forth in his hands several times. Everyone quickly fell silent.

"That's better. Now, before we start today's lesson, I…" he paused when he saw a hand go up. "Yes, Kyle?"

"May I please be excused?" Kyle pleaded. He kept his eyes looking down at his desk.

"Well, I suppose, as long as you're not planning to cut class so you can go make out with some other boy in the hallway," Mr. Garrison joked, to a certain extent.

Kyle pushed his desk so that his chair slid away from it. He jumped down and started to storm out of the room.

"I'm sorry, Kyle, I don't have anything against homosexuals!" Mr. Garrison called after him just before he shut the door behind him. "Well…let's just get back to our schoolwork now, shall we?"

"Dude, Mr. Garrison, can I be excused too?" Stan called out, raising his hand.

Mr. Garrison sighed impatiently. "Fine, just hurry the hell up."

"Thank you," Stan said as he exited. He peered down the long corridor, but both sides were completely empty. He strolled along the walkway, trying to figure out where Kyle could be hiding. After a few minutes of wandering around aimlessly, he decided it would probably be a good idea to head back to class.

Just as he was about to go back inside, he heard the sound of a door creaking open. He looked around. "Kyle?" he called. He rushed in the direction of the sound, stopping in front of the janitor's closet. "Kyle? Is that you? Dude, it's me."

The door swung open, and there was Kyle, standing inside, appearing as if he had just been crying. He looked at Stan with glassy eyes. "What?"

"Dude, what's going on? Why have you been acting so weird lately?" Stan asked, sounding more concerned than annoyed.

Kyle wasn't sure what to say. All he knew was that he had to avoid telling him the truth by any means necessary. "I don't know what you're talking about, dude."

"Goddammit, Kyle, stop being so stupid! Why the fuck did you kiss Kenny? Don't tell me Cartman made you do it," Stan said crossly.

"He did," Kyle told him in all honesty.

"You're not…you're not _gay_, are you?" Stan asked apprehensively.

Kyle was stunned that he was sincerely asking him that question. "What?! No!" he objected.

"Then, dude, why can't you just tell me what's really going on?" Stan persisted with his questions. "I thought we were best friends."

"Of course we are!" Kyle screamed, hurt that Stan would ever think otherwise. "And that's exactly fucking why I can't tell you what's actually going on!"

Stan started to feel betrayed as well. All he wanted was for Kyle to open up to him. "Just tell me, dude." he implored.

Kyle drew in a long breath and exhaled slowly. "Okay. A couple days ago, Cartman came up to me and told me that he found out something about me that I didn't want anyone to know."

Stan listened intently. He noticed that Kyle was fidgeting a bit as he talked.

"So I made a deal with him that I would do whatever he wanted, as long as he wouldn't tell anyone," Kyle confessed.

Stan now had a puzzled look on his face. "But…what was so important that you had to keep a secret from everyone? Including me."

Kyle twisted inside, uncertain if he should just come out with it, or continue with the facade that had been going on over the past few days. His heart sunk. He couldn't keep lying to his best friend like this. It was now or never.

"I like Wendy."


	5. It Just Got Worse

Author's Note: Ah, so it seems as though some people liked the twist and some people didn't. Well, either way, I can tell you were all shocked, which I'm happy about, since that's what I was aiming for. And to answer your question, Moony McGoogly, the kids are the same age as they are in the show (fourth grade) in this story. That was a good question. I probably should have specified that from the start. XD

* * *

Stan went numb upon hearing this news. It was almost as if the world had suddenly stopped, and the two of them stood alone, isolated from the rest of humanity.

"What?" Stan said, holding on to the only minuscule chance that maybe what Kyle had just confessed was false.

"Stan, listen, you know I'd never want to come between you and Wendy. I'll back off, dude, I promise," Kyle urged him wholeheartedly.

Stan stared at Kyle with cold eyes. "For how long?" he asked at last.

"What? Oh," Kyle instantly realized what Stan wanted to know. "I don't know, dude, not that long. It's just that…I've always thought she was cool and everything, but lately I've been feeling this kind of…connection with her or something."

Stan sighed and turned away from Kyle. "Why couldn't you just be gay?" he said with aversion as he began to walk down the hall.

Kyle watched as Stan went back inside the classroom. The closing of the door sent a chill down Kyle's spine. He knew there was nothing he could do about it now. He had officially lost the trust of his best friend.

The rest of the day dragged on. By the time lunchtime rolled around, Kyle was feeling even worse, because Stan would definitely be avoiding him at all costs. Kyle decided to sit at a different lunch table in order to avoid any awkward confrontations.

"TIMMAH!" the boy confined to a wheelchair exclaimed.

Kyle stared at his untouched food, not having much of an appetite.

"S-Say, Kyle, what's the matter? You look down in the…d-down in the d-dumps," the other handicapped boy in the class, Jimmy, stuttered.

"Nothing," Kyle lied, still not looking anywhere but the lunch sitting on the table in front of him. "By the way, don't you usually sit at that other table?" He motioned to the spot where Stan, Kenny, Cartman, and pretty much every other boy in their class were sitting.

"W-Well, sure, b-but sometimes I like to give Tim-Tim here some c-c-company too," Jimmy stumbled.

"TIMMAH!" he agreed in excitement.

"Hey, Kyle, aren't you wonderin' why I'm sittin' here, too?" the innocent blonde boy asked, sitting in between Jimmy and Timmy.

"Not really, Butters," Kyle honestly couldn't care less.

"Oh," Butters became quiet. "W-Well it's 'cause Eric kicked me out," he explained anyway. "He wanted my French fries, and when I said no, he said to either get the hell outta there or h-he'd kick me in the nuts."

Kyle tried to conceal a smile. "He's such a dick," he declared.

"Oh, y-yes, very much," Jimmy supported that assertion.

"Yeah, and I sure as heck didn't wanna get kicked in the nuts," Butters let them all know.

"Butters, you shouldn't do what Cartman wants just because he threatened you," Kyle gave him some advice. "You should tell him to fuck off."

"W-Well…how come you didn't do that then?" Butters asked him. "Didn't Eric make you wear that outfit yesterday?"

Kyle couldn't believe that Butters had somehow outsmarted him and turned everything back on him. "Well, yeah, but-"

"D-Didn't he also make you k-kiss Kenny this morning, too?" Jimmy chimed in.

"YES, alright, he did, but there were other reasons behind it that I really don't want to get into right now," Kyle rushed to say, hoping they would just drop it.

Both Jimmy and Butters looked intrigued now. "W-What kind of r-reasons?" Jimmy queried.

Kyle groaned. There was no point of hiding it anymore. "I told Cartman that I'd do whatever he wanted as long as he didn't tell anyone that I have a fucking crush on Wendy!"

The other boys were very quiet. Timmy even stopped moving about so much. "T-Timmah…"

"You like Wendy?" Butters repeated, sounding surprised. "Did ya tell her?"

Kyle looked at Butters for the first time since he was sitting with them. "Are you retarded? Why the fuck would I tell her?" Kyle questioned.

"Y-Yeah, Butters, don't be such a d-dumbass," Jimmy spat out.

Butters frowned. "Hey, I'm not dumb!" he argued. "Hold on a sec." He hopped off his seat and ambled over to the girls' table. The girls were giggling, but they hushed each other when they saw Butters coming up to them.

"Can we help you?" Rebecca, better known as Red, asked in a rather annoyed tone.

"H-Hi there. Sorry to interrupt, but I was wonderin' if I could talk to Wendy real quick," Butters requested, performing his nervous habit of rubbing his fists together.

All of the girls looked at Wendy, waiting for her to say something. Wendy looked from face to face, and then finally to Butters. "Sure," she grudgingly got up and followed Butters out of the cafeteria.

Sitting from across the room, Kyle was able to spot Butters and Wendy going into the hallway. "Oh, shit!" he screamed as he ran out to catch them.

Wendy stopped walking once Butters did. "Um, what exactly did you want to tell me, Butters?"

Butters continued to shuffle his fists up and down. "W-Well, it's not about me," he made sure to tell her. "Actually, I just wanted to let you know that someone has a crush on you."

Wendy's eye brows went up out of surprise. "What? Who?"

Just as Butters opened his mouth to tell her that it was Kyle, there was a noise. Butters and Wendy turned to find Kyle sprinting toward them. He screeched to a halt and threw his hand over Butters' mouth.

"Hey, how's it going?" Kyle asked, trying to catch his breath while still covering Butters' mouth.

"Uh, hi…Butters was just telling me that someone has a crush on me or something," Wendy enlightened him.

"Really? That's so interesting," Kyle marveled with fake enthusiasm. He glared at Butters and freed him of his grasp. "Who is it, Butters?"

Butters took a quick look at Kyle. He couldn't help but feel scared for his life. He needed to come up with another name fast, or else he'd probably end up with a black eye, and then his parents would ground him.

"Uh…it's…" Butters drew a blank. He bit his lower lip as he thought of all of the boys in their class. Something unexpectedly happened to click in his mind, and he came up with the perfect person. "Wait, I remember now. It's Eric."

"CARTMAN?" Wendy said in horror. "Oh, God, no!"

"Yeah, it's true," Butters carried on. "H-He even told me."

"Are you absolutely sure?" Wendy needed to know. "Do you know anything about this, Kyle?"

Everything was happening so fast that Kyle barely had enough time to process any of it. "I, uh, I don't know…" he started, but he knew he couldn't back out now. "I mean, it's not like he told me directly or anything, but…"

"But what?!" Wendy shrieked.

Kyle had no idea what to say, so Butters took it upon himself to give Wendy a made up explanation. "Well, today, Eric was tellin' me how he had a dream last night that you two were makin' out."

"EWW!" Wendy expressed her disgust.

"Yeah, he said it was awesome," Butters finished. He was pleased with himself for being able to convince her so easily.

Wendy was fully freaking out. "Oh my God! I have to tell Bebe!" She rushed past Kyle and Butters and went back into the cafeteria.

"See, no need to worry anymore, Kyle!" Butters assured him proudly.

Kyle didn't say anything. Instead he was stressing over what Cartman was going to do once he found out about this.


	6. More Secrets Revealed

Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update. More writer's block. Hopefully that didn't discourage anyone from reading and reviewing, though... This chapter is sort of crazy. Enjoy!

* * *

Hundreds of thoughts raced throughout Kyle's mind. Not only had Butters just made things worse, but it was getting to a point where Kyle was losing control of the whole situation.

"Um, Butters…why the hell did you do that?" Kyle asked.

Butters blinked. "Wh-What do ya mean? I was only tryin' to help," he promised him.

Kyle wanted to slap Butters for being so stupid. "Dude…why the fuck did you say Cartman out of all people?" he asked irritably.

Butters sensed the hostility in Kyle's voice. He was mad, and more so than usual. "I dunno! He seemed like a good choice," Butters reasoned. "Besides, it's not like I made the _whole_ thing up."

"Wait, what?" Kyle went dumbstruck.

The bell rang before Butters had the chance to explain any further. "Oh, jeez, there's the bell!" Butters scurried away from Kyle without another word.

"Fuck me," Kyle cursed at himself as he walked to class. He entered inside to see a stack of papers sitting on Mr. Garrison's desk.

"Alright, children, now I'm going to give back your math tests," Mr. Garrison said, scooping up the pile of papers in his arms. "As usual, Kyle and Wendy were the only ones to get perfect scores. The rest of you are just a bunch of DUMBASSES." He slapped the first test paper on Kenny's desk. "You'd better stop drawing boobs on everything you hand in to me!" Kenny simply grinned, pleased with his work.

Mr. Garrison went over to Clyde. "And you," he said as he handed Clyde his test. "What kind of retard doesn't know the answer to 1 divided by 1?!"

"I thought it was a trick question!" Clyde rejoined.

"You're all a bunch of failures!" Mr. Garrison scorned his class, but his mood changed when he saw the next paper. "Oh, this one was a surprise…Eric Cartman…A."

The entire class gasped simultaneously.

"That's impossible!" Wendy shot up from her seat. "He's so stupid!"

"I know, Wendy. I thought the same exact thing while I was grading it," Mr. Garrison reassured her. "I guess there's a first time for everything." He eyed Cartman carefully and gave him the test.

Cartman stared up at Mr. Garrison with an innocent look on his face. "Well, I think it's your wonderful teaching that finally got through to me, Mr. Garrison."

"Oh, please, Eric," Mr. Garrison stopped him right there, holding up his hand. "For God's sake, nobody likes a kiss ass," he added distastefully and looked back down at the handful of papers. "Alright, who's next here…"

"Excuse me, but you're not going to just let this thing go, are you? Clearly there's been some sort of mistake," Wendy said, unable to drop the subject.

Mr. Garrison put his free hand on his hip. "What exactly do you mean by that, Wendy?"

"All I'm saying is…maybe you should grade it again," she proposed.

Cartman turned around in his seat to face Wendy. "Why don't you mind your own fucking business, you nosy bitch!"

"Why don't you go fuck yourself, you fat dick!" Wendy snapped back.

"Hey, watch your language, you little dip shits!" Mr. Garrison intervened.

Wendy completely ignored him. Her focus was being entirely devoted to Cartman. "I hate you!" she randomly screamed out.

Cartman slammed his desk with two balled up fists, causing it to shake a bit. "I hate you too, slut!"

"Oh, REALLY?" Wendy said suggestively. Her hot temper had almost vanished in an instant. She was able to see right through him. "Then, why did Butters tell me that you had a dream that we were making out?"

Cartman's intense demeanor melted away and was replaced by a scared one. He sharply turned his head to Butters, who sat on the other side of him. "Butters…the fuck, man! I thought I told you not to tell anyone!" he tried his best to whisper, despite the fact that it was difficult to do that considering everyone in the class was listening.

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second…" Kyle suddenly broke in. He turned to Butters as well. "Dude, what the fuck, Butters? I thought you made that up."

"N-No, I told you, Kyle, I didn't make up the whole s-story! I only made up the part that he had the dream last night. It was actually a few months ago," Butters clarified. "Oh, and he didn't say it was awesome, either. He said somethin' like…"

"Butters! Shut the fuck up already!" Cartman ordered, his face now steaming both out of anger and embarrassment.

"Wait, but…why would Butters make that up?" Wendy asked without really directing the question to anyone in particular.

"Oh," Cartman said, turning back to Wendy. He was more ready than ever to jump on the opportunity to expose Kyle's secret. "Allow me to explain, Wendy. You see, Kyle here is actually in love with you, and-"

"I'm not IN LOVE with her!" Kyle shouted. He glowered at Cartman, and Cartman just smiled back at him. Kyle sighed. They both knew the damage was done. "Well, it's…just a crush, really," he admitted quietly.

"What the HELL?! Are you done now?! Jesus Christ, what do you children think this is, high school?! Save your bull shit drama for after class!" Mr. Garrison said irately.

"Hey, can I ask a question?" Clyde requested.

"Alright, dammit, what?" Mr. Garrison asked impatiently.

"Um…isn't Wendy going out with Stan?"

Stan awoke from his surprised daze. He was keeping himself silent since he was still soaking in all of the knowledge that was revealed in such a small amount of time. "Yes, Goddammit! Wendy is MY girlfriend, in case anyone here forgot that!" Stan said, glaring at his former best friend.

Mr. Garrison rolled his eyes. "Does that answer your stupid question, Clyde?!"

"Yes," Clyde replied. "Oh, and can we have more classes like these?"

"Hell no! Now all of you shut up so I can finish handing out these damn math tests!" Mr. Garrison yelled. "Here you go, Butters!" He threw the paper at him.

Butters checked to see the grade on his paper. "Oh, jeez…" he said unhappily. "Boy, I shoulda copied off of Kyle, like Eric did."

"WHAT?" Mr. Garrison sounded furious as opposed to shocked.

"I knew it!" Wendy stated triumphantly.

"Wh-Whoops…" Butters said timidly.

Cartman clenched his hands together. "I'm gonna fucking kill you, Butters!"

"Oh, shoot, I'm sorry, Eric! It was an accident!" Butters apologized.

"Dude, what the…" Kyle pondered everything that happened over the past couple of days. He recalled the conversation with Cartman that started this huge mess. He was putting the pieces together. "Fatass, you cheated off of my test?"

Cartman laughed nervously. "N-No."

"And then you saw me write 'KYLE + WENDY' on my paper, didn't you?" Kyle asked.

"Oh my God, it all makes sense now!" Mr. Garrison exclaimed, fully interested in the situation now. "Well, in that case, that's detention for you, Eric!"

"That's total bull shit!" Cartman whined. He glared at Kyle. "This isn't over, Jew."

Kyle wasn't the least bit intimidated. "Bring it on, fatass."


	7. New Accomplices

Author's note: Thank you all again for reviewing. I'm so glad to see that people are actually laughing during certain parts of this story, because it really is difficult for me to add funny stuff, but I try my best. To iiFangirl, no, this is not a Cartman/Kyle story. Also, Famous Living Dead, I found your review to be extremely sweet. The fact that you said my story was well written really meant a lot to me.

* * *

Later on during that same day, after all of the other kids had already gone home, Cartman sat in a desk in the front of the classroom. His head rested against the flat surface of the desk.

"This fucking blows," he groaned.

He looked up at the clock. A mere two minutes had gone by since he had been sitting, by himself, in detention, with the exception of Mr. Garrison, who was sitting at his own desk in the front, reading his romance novel with his legs propped up on the desk.

"I heard that," Mr. Garrison said without looking up from his book.

Cartman put his chin(s) in his hands and moved back in his chair so that he was now sitting up. "Goddammit, how much longer do I have to stay here?" he asked.

"WE have to stay here until 4 o'clock," Mr. Garrison emphasized the 'we' obnoxiously. "Believe me, Eric, I hate being stuck here in this craphole school just as much as you do."

"So why the fuck do we have to stay? Let's just leave! Nobody will know," Cartman tried to persuade him.

"I've already tried doing that once," Mr. Garrison said, closing his book and setting it on his desk.

"Yeah? And what happened?" Cartman was curious to know.

Mr. Garrison glanced at the door, and he saw the empty hallway through the glass. He looked back at Cartman. "I got yelled at by Principal Victoria," he said in a low voice.

"Oh, WOW, that must have been horrible," Cartman said sarcastically.

"It was!" Mr. Garrison said, his voice now at normal volume. "She grabbed me by the ear and dragged me back inside. It was humiliating!"

"I'm sure it was," Cartman said, and then coughed when he said the next word. "Fag."

"What did you say?!" Mr. Garrison asked, standing up and placing his hands on his hips.

"Nothing," Cartman said sweetly.

Mr. Garrison kept a watchful eye on Cartman as he sat back down and returned to reading his book.

Cartman sighed and drummed his fingers on the desk, starting with his pointer and ending with his pinky. He repeated this action several times, until he caught Mr. Garrison staring at him with an annoyed look on his face.

"Alright, alright," Mr. Garrison said, closing his book. "I'll let you leave ten minutes early if you can just shut the hell up for the rest of the time we have to stay here."

"Twenty," Cartman attempted to raise Mr. Garrison's offer.

Mr. Garrison narrowed his eyes, not wanting to be fooled by a stupid nine-year-old kid. "Fifteen."

"Twenty-five."

"What? You can't just go up after I…oh, nevermind, just get the hell outta here," Mr. Garrison finally gave in, waving his hand in the direction of the door.

"Why, thank you, sir," Cartman said, happy that he got Mr. Garrison to cave. He stepped down from his seat and rushed out of the room before Mr. Garrison had the chance to change his mind.

"Bastard," he said, flipping a page of his novel.

As Cartman made his way home, he took out his cell phone that he kept in his coat pocket and began dialing a number on it. The phone rang twice before the person he was calling picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Cartman said, trying to sound nonchalant.

There was a sigh on the other line. "Dude, what the hell do you want, Cartman?" the person asked impatiently.

"Alright, alright, listen. I know you're probably pissed off right now, but-"

"OF COURSE I'm fucking pissed off, asshole!" he rudely interrupted Cartman. "Look, dude, I'm really not in the mood to talk to you right now."

"I know, I know, just hear me out for a second," Cartman said hastily.

"Fine, what?" he asked with a huff.

"Well, that thing about my dream I had of me and Wendy…that was just bull shit," Cartman started to say.

"Yeah, like I'm REALLY gonna believe that, dude."

Cartman was quiet for a moment until he spoke again. "Okay, it was true, but-"

"DUDE, what the FUCK?! So you like Wendy too?!"

"No!" Cartman screamed out, so loud that a few pedestrians walking within the same vicinity as him just stopped and stared at him in confusion.

"You'd better not. I already have to put up with Kyle liking her. There's no way I could fucking deal with you liking her too."

"Stan, trust me, I fucking hate that bitch!" Cartman said.

"Dude, that's my fucking girlfriend, you prick!" Stan lashed out at him.

"Alright, look. I had that dream about me and that ho like, a mad long time ago," Cartman explained.

"When?" Stan wanted to know.

"I don't fucking remember! Why does it even matter? Look, the point is, it was a long time ago. I'm over it now," Cartman said. He waited for Stan to say something.

"Okay, whatever, I guess," Stan finally said.

"So…we're cool then, right?" Cartman asked.

"Dude, is that all you wanted to tell me?" Stan asked, purposely not paying attention to the question.

"Well, actually, there WAS something else…" Cartman said, the tone of his voice changing from an apologetic one to his typical devious one.

"Oh, God, what now? Don't tell me Kenny had a sex dream about her or something…"

"What? No," Cartman said, but then backtracked that statement. "Well, maybe, I dunno actually. He IS pretty fucking horny."

"Dude, shut up, what did you really wanna say?" Stan asked, becoming annoyed again.

"Well…I was just wondering…you're still pissed at Kyle, right?" Cartman asked skeptically.

Stan was confused by the question that seemed to come out of nowhere. "Yeah…" he answered hesitantly.

"Oh, sweet, I was hoping you'd say that," Cartman said with enthusiasm. "'Cause I have this awesome idea where we can totally get back at him."

"Get back at him?" Stan reiterated.

"Yeah, isn't that what you want?"

"I don't know, dude. I mean, it's not like it's really his fault or anything," Stan said, thinking about what Kyle said when he confessed about liking Wendy. "And he DID say that he would back off…"

"Stan. Seriously. Don't you understand how Jews work?" Cartman asked. He found it somewhat amusing that Stan was so naïve. "They'll SAY one thing to your face, and then they'll perform their crazy fucking Jew magic to trick you into giving them what they want."

Stan took in what Cartman had just said. "Dude, are you fucking retarded?" he asked.

"Ay, I'm not retarded, Stan!" Cartman defended himself. "I'm fucking serious! Jews can't be fucking trusted. The sooner everyone learns that, the better off we'll all be, and then we'd all be able to join together and execute the Jews once and for all."

"…_WHAT?_"

Cartman quickly shook his head. "Nevermind. So are you interested or not?"

"Interested in what?" Stan asked, forgetting what they were talking about prior to Cartman's ridiculous theories about the Jews.

"My brilliant fucking plan to get revenge on Kyle!"

"Dude, I don't know…why the fuck should I even trust you, anyway?" Stan asked.

"Oh, come on, like I'd really waste my time screwing YOU over. I'll save something like that for Butters," Cartman said, making a mental note of it.

Stan thought it over. Despite the fact that Cartman was the last person he wanted to trust, he knew that Cartman was extremely smart when it came to planning out evil schemes. And Stan WAS still pretty mad at Kyle…

"Stan? You still there?" he heard Cartman ask.

Stan came back to reality. He was curious to at least hear what Cartman's plan was.

"What exactly did you have in mind, dude?"


	8. Operation: Cannot Possibly Fail

Author's Note: The title to this chapter is a reference to the season eleven finale, _The List._ I fucking love that episode so much, you have no idea. It's probably my number one favorite episode of South Park ever. Oh, and since I neglected to mention it before, the title to the first chapter was obviously a reference to _Eek, A Penis!_

Now then…on with the story. Please keep reviewing!

* * *

Stan fumbled with the camera he was discretely holding behind his back. He nervously rang the doorbell and shifted his eyes to look at a bush nearby. A hand giving a thumbs up stuck out of it and then disappeared back into the bush.

Stan waited for somebody to answer the door, his impatience and anxiety growing with each sluggish second that passed by.

The doorknob started to turn, causing Stan to practically jump from being startled by the sound. The door opened, and there in front of him stood a confused looking Kyle.

"…Hey," Kyle said unsurely.

Stan gripped the camera in his hands even tighter as he tried to calm his nerves. "Hey," he replied in a calm voice.

Kyle stared at Stan with both mild fear and guilt in his eyes. "What, uh," he said, awkwardly looking down at the ground and then back at Stan. "What are you doing here?"

"I just…" Stan suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He was seriously regretting his decision to go along with Cartman's plan, yet for some reason he still couldn't bring himself to accept Kyle's feelings for Wendy. He needed some type of relief from the emotional roller coaster of a situation.

"Dude, are you okay?" Kyle asked, noticing Stan's pale complexion and tense persona.

Stan looked at Kyle directly in his eyes. "Uh, yeah, I just came by 'cause I wanted to talk to you real quick."

Kyle was hesitant to move at first, but he did it anyway. Stan walked into the house, taking caution so that Kyle wouldn't see the camera he was hiding.

Kyle slowly closed the door and turned to face Stan. "So, uh, what's up?" he asked. The tension between the two of them was so great that it seemed to be taking over, making everything even more awkward than it already was.

"Um…could we maybe talk in your room, or something?" Stan requested.

"Okay," Kyle answered with a shrug. He turned his back to Stan and started to walk up the staircase, and Stan followed close behind him. When they reached Kyle's room, Kyle entered first, and he left his door ajar even after Stan was inside as well.

Kyle could tell that Stan was feeling extremely uncomfortable. He kept his eyes looking away from Kyle, and he appeared to be very nauseous, like he was about to pass out or something.

"You're, uh…you're not still mad, are you, Stan?" Kyle asked out of the blue.

Stan remained quiet, because in all honesty, he was no longer entirely sure if he was really mad at Kyle anymore. As betrayed as he felt, he still knew deep down that Kyle was his one and only true best friend.

"Well…" Stan began to say, but he stopped when he heard the doorbell ringing. _"Oh, shit," _he thought to himself, knowing who was at the door.

Kyle let out an annoyed sigh. "Hold on, dude," he said as he went out of his room to answer the door.

Stan took a few steps forward and peered out of Kyle's door, waiting until Kyle was all the way downstairs before he came out of his room and squatted down on the first step. He took the camera from his hands, and they began to tremble as he aimed the digital camera through the banister of the staircase. He zoomed in so that he could get a clear picture.

Kyle opened the door to see a person about his height wearing a long tan colored trench coat and a black top hat. His face was covered up by a large pair of dark sunglasses and a fake moustache that extended outward on both sides and curled up.

"What the fuck?" Kyle wondered aloud without realizing it. "Uh, can I help you?"

The mysterious person didn't say anything, and instead he pushed Kyle out of the way so that he could let himself in.

Kyle nearly fell over when the person did this, and he suddenly felt scared shitless. "_Who the fuck is this guy?!"_ he asked himself.

Stan watched from the top stair he was sitting on. _"Oh God, I can't believe he's actually gonna go through with this,"_ he mused.

The bizarre stranger stood perfectly still. Kyle backed away from him. "Who the hell are you?!" he demanded to know.

The person still said absolutely nothing to Kyle, but he began to move in Kyle's direction, unbuttoning his trench coat one individual button at a time. Kyle backed up so fast that he hit his back against the wall quite hard.

"Oh my God, dude, stop!" Stan shouted from above. He threw the camera he had been holding and ran down the flight of stairs.

Kyle yelped out of both shock and relief when he heard Stan. The person who was about to take off his trench coat immediately ceased what he was doing and looked at Stan.

"Ay, what the hell, man?! This isn't part of the plan!" the person yelled.

The huge amount of fear that Kyle was feeling just seconds ago went away in a flash when he heard the kid speak. He recognized that distinct voice way too well.

"Dude…what the hell? Cartman? Is that you?" he asked doubtfully, walking up to him and pulling off the sunglasses from his face.

And sure enough, it was Cartman, looking utterly pissed off, as usual. "Goddammit, Stan! You fucking ruined everything!" he criticized at him.

"Wait, what?" Kyle asked, turning to Stan. "Dude…what the FUCK is going on here?"

Stan looked from Kyle to Cartman and then back to Kyle. He let out a long breath. "I teamed up with Cartman to…kinda…get back at you for…you know…" he trailed off, not sure where he was going with whatever it was he was trying to say.

Kyle was blown away by this. Stan? Teaming up with CARTMAN? Just the idea of something that ridiculous literally made no sense to him whatsoever. "What do you mean 'get back at me,' dude?" he asked.

"Dude, I don't know, I just…I was just so mad…I wasn't fucking thinking straight…" Stan said truthfully.

Kyle was still completely baffled by everything that was currently happening, but he then decided to direct his attention toward Cartman. "Dude, what the hell were you about to do anyway, Cartman, rape me or something?!" he asked, sounding shocked and disgusted.

"No!" Cartman replied rashly. "I was gonna flash you, and then Stan was supposed to take a picture of it, and then we were gonna show it to everyone at school, and they would all think you were a homo, and it would have totally fucking sabotaged you!"

Kyle raised an eyebrow and just froze, letting the sheer absurdity of Cartman's plan sink in. "How the FUCK would that make ME look like a homo, fatass?!" he asked after the awkward moment of silence.

"What the hell do you mean? You would have been staring at a naked guy. That would make you look super gay, you dumb Jew," Cartman explained.

"Dude…wow…" Kyle was amazed at how genuinely stupid Cartman was. "I'd expect something like this from you, Cartman, since you're just a complete dumbass, but Stan? You were honestly going along with his retarded plan?"

"Dude, I swear to God, he didn't say ANYTHING about doing THAT," Stan clarified the enormous misunderstanding. "He told ME that he was gonna make you do something embarrassing or some shit. I had no idea he was gonna wear this creepy fucking disguise!"

"Oh, come on, who are you gonna believe, Jew, me or him?" Cartman asked.

Kyle stared at him, amazed that he would even bother asking a question like that. The answer was so painfully obvious.

"Just get the fuck out of here, Cartman," Kyle said, shoving the sunglasses back into Cartman's hands.

"Fine!" Cartman growled as he angrily stormed out of Kyle's house, slamming the door behind him.

Stan and Kyle just looked at each other, seeming to have a mutual understanding. They were both feeling comforted by the fact that the strong friendship between them had been restored. However, there was still a huge rift between them, for there was one thing standing in the way and screwing with their emotions: Wendy.


	9. Stealing a Kiss

Author's Note: Whoa, holy shit! Such an overwhelming amount of reviews. :D Thank you guys so much, seriously. Your reviews make me super happy. I was grinning like an idiot after I read them. You're all the best. ^_^

I just have to mention something, though. As I was writing this chapter, I was finding it extremely difficult to resist the temptation to add something that I originally didn't even have planned for this story, but I decided to just go for it anyway. You'll see what I mean. ;D

* * *

"Okay, children, now I know most of you have your heads up your asses, but PLEASE try to pay attention!" Mr. Garrison irately begged to his students.

It was Friday afternoon, which obviously meant that all of the kids were thinking about their plans for the weekend. Anything even remotely related to school was literally the last thing on their minds. Even Kyle, who ordinarily was so focused on his schoolwork, seemed to have way more important things on his mind at the moment.

"So don't forget," Mr. Garrison said, disrupting everyone's thoughts. "The science test is scheduled for Monday, because I enjoy making you children suffer by forcing all of you to study over the weekend. The test will be extremely difficult, so I'd better not catch anybody cheating!" He glared directly at Cartman, who just rolled his eyes in frustration.

Finally, before Mr. Garrison could go on torturing his students any longer, the dismissal rang, much to everyone's relief. The kids got up from their seats, chatting with their friends as they left the classroom.

Stan noticed that his girlfriend, Wendy, was just about to leave as well. "Hey, Wendy, wait up!" he called after her.

Wendy stopped and turned to see who was calling her name. "Oh, hey Stan," she said as Stan caught up with her.

"Hey," he said back. "Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay, what is it?" Wendy asked as they began walking side by side.

"Well, it's just that…I kinda feel weird about this whole thing with Kyle," Stan admitted timidly.

Wendy looked confused. "What do you mean, Stan?"

"You know," he began, and then his voice fell to a whisper for what he said next. "About him liking you."

"Oh," Wendy said, almost taken aback, as if she had already forgotten all about that.

"Yeah, uh…I just need to know something, though…you don't like him, right?" Stan asked, allowing his insecurity to get the better of him.

Wendy gave him one of those 'come on, don't be stupid' looks. "Stan, don't you think if I liked somebody else, I would've already broken up with you by now?"

"Yeah, I guess…" Stan said with uncertainty.

"Don't get me wrong, I think Kyle's a really nice guy, but I just don't like him like that," Wendy stated.

"Well, I don't know what to do, 'cause I can tell he really likes you, but he feels bad about it because he knows you're with me," Stan explained. "I don't know…maybe we need to take a break or something so we could just take some time to figure everything out."

"Wait, what?" Wendy said, suddenly stopping in the middle of her tracks. "You…want to take a break?"

"I don't know what else to do! This whole situation is just fucked up," Stan said.

"I…I don't know what to say," Wendy said honestly. "I guess if you feel that's the best thing to do, then…"

Stan could tell that Wendy looked hurt, which was the one thing he was trying to avoid, and now he was the one who felt bad. "Look, Wendy, I-"

"It's okay," Wendy stopped him right there before he could say anything else. "I understand." She quickly gave Stan a small peck on the cheek before walking away, and as she walked, she tried to hold back the tears that started brimming in her eyes.

"Well, well, well…look who it is," she heard someone say all of a sudden. She stopped walking and turned to find Cartman leaning up against the lockers with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What the fuck do YOU want?" she asked him bitterly.

"Jeez, what's with the fucking attitude?" he asked, unknowingly ignoring her question.

Wendy sighed without giving a response, since she was in no mood whatsoever to put up with Cartman, especially right now, when she was on the verge of tears. "Look, I really don't have time for your stupidity," she said.

Cartman couldn't help but notice Wendy's glassy eyes. "What the fuck…are you CRYING, ho?" he inquired.

"No," she said, wiping her eyes with her sleeves.

"Yeah you are," Cartman said, pushing himself off of the lockers. "Why the fuck are you crying?"

"Just leave me alone, Cartman," she said angrily.

"Jeez, why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?" Cartman asked, sincerely wanting to know.

This made Wendy's temper flare up in an instant, and now her sadness turned into hatred. She desperately wanted to just punch Cartman in the face, but she tried her best to fight the urge to do so. "Why are YOU such an asshole?"

Cartman started walking up to Wendy. "I have my reasons," he declared.

"Oh, really? Like what?" she demanded to know.

"You really wanna know?" Cartman asked, still leisurely walking further in Wendy's direction.

Wendy didn't budge from where she was standing, since she truly wasn't scared of Cartman in the least. Everyone in the entire school already knew that Wendy was much tougher than he was, and that she could easily take him down right at that very moment, if she really wanted to.

Cartman finally came to a halt. A devious grin was plastered on his face as he just stared at Wendy, who was returning the mischievous look.

"Yeah, I'd just LOVE to know," Wendy replied, still maintaining her calm attitude.

Cartman inched even closer to Wendy, staring at her with intensity. "Yeah?" he asked, trying to test her.

"Yeah," she said.

"Yeah?" he asked again.

She blinked. "Yeah," she said with more of an annoyed tone.

"…Yeah?" he asked one last time.

"Ye-"

But Wendy's 'yeah' was abruptly cut off by Cartman's lips crashing into hers. Wendy's eyes initially went completely wide out of shock, but then she tightly shut them and kissed him back with great force.

"WHOA," somebody yelled out upon seeing what was going on. Random people within that vicinity immediately gathered around Cartman and Wendy to witness the two of them making out. The sounds of whistling and screaming coming from the crowd only encouraged Cartman and Wendy to go at it even longer. Cartman slipped his arms around Wendy's waist, and Wendy put her hands on Cartman's face, and then her arms finally reached around to hug Cartman's neck.

Among the people in the crowd was Butters, who gazed in amazement at the way Cartman and Wendy were kissing each other.

"Hey, what the hell is going on over here?" Butters heard someone ask. He wasn't sure if the question was being directed toward him or not, but he spun around anyway, curious to see who was asking the question.

"O-oh, Kyle," Butters said, looking surprised and scared at the same time. "Uh…there's nothin' to see here, j-just move along."

"But, dude, what's with all the commotion over here?" Kyle asked.

"Uh…" Butters said, absentmindedly rubbing his two balled up fists together. "T-two guys are makin' out, and well…you know how everybody gets when they see THAT."

"Who?" Kyle asked, interested to know.

"Uh…Craig and Clyde. Yes sir, that's who!" Butters said.

But Kyle knew he couldn't trust Butters, especially after everything that had happened over the past week. "Dude, you're a bad liar," he said.

"I know," Butters said sheepishly.

All of the kids who were huddled around finally stopped making so much noise when Cartman and Wendy pulled away from one another.

"…You still didn't answer my question…" was all Wendy had to say.

Cartman just smiled and grabbed Wendy's hand and dragged her with him as he pushed people out of his way, heading for the main doors of the building.

"Boy, that sure is a cock block move that Eric pulled, huh Kyle?" Butters asked him.

"Dude, what the hell are you talking about?" Kyle asked, but then he spotted them at the last second. Wendy and Cartman…walking out of the school…hand in hand.

What the _FUCK_?!


	10. Three Against One

Author's Note: I'm so glad you guys liked that I added the Cartman/Wendy scene, because I really do adore that pairing. The interaction between them is simply awesome, and a lot of fun to write, since they're usually pissed off at each other, which leads to their intense arguments…which is why I feel the sudden burst of passion between them just seems to work. Ah, I just fucking love it. :D

Sorry if this chapter kinda sucks…the next one will be better, I promise. But, on the bright side, I decided to finally bring Kenny back into this story. I mean, the last time he was mentioned was in chapter 7, and the last time he actually spoke was way back in chapter 4, so I think it's about time for our recommended dose of Kenny, don't you agree? XD

* * *

Was this really happening? Was this honestly, truly fucking happening? Wendy was with _Cartman, _of all people_?_ That sadistic, manipulative, fat son of a bitch? It couldn't be true…there was just no way. Wendy was too smart to fall for anything Cartman was trying to pull.

But what the fuck could he possibly be up to _this_ time? That was what Kyle needed to figure out. He shook himself from his thoughts and decided to question Butters, since he was standing right there anyway.

"Dude…why the _hell _did Wendy just walk out of here with Cartman?" Kyle asked.

Butters nervously tugged at the bottom of his shirt. As much as he tried not to be, he always somehow ended up in the middle of stressful situations such as this one. "Well, if you wanna know the truth…it was actually Eric and Wendy that were kissing each other before…s-so…" He stopped there, for even _he_ didn't know what Cartman's intentions were.

Kyle just froze, feeling as though he had just been hit by a ton of bricks. It was a mixture between stupidity, like he should've known better that Cartman would eventually do something like this, as well as rage, since this was a totally new low, even for Cartman. Kyle took a deep breath, trying his hardest to control his anger, which was ready to be unleashed at any given moment.

"Hey, dude," an easily recognizable voice said.

Kyle was forced to bring himself back to reality as he looked to his left, where Stan was standing.

"Oh, dude, Stan, thank God!" Kyle said with noticeable relief. "You're not gonna believe this…apparently Cartman kissed Wendy, and they just left together a few minutes ago," he reported.

Stan's mouth hung open. "_WHAT_?!" he asked in both shock and disbelief.

"Y-Yeah, I even saw them kissin'…" Butters confirmed for him, and then he added: "I didn't wanna say nuthin', but…Wendy sure seemed like she was enjoying it…"

Hearing that just made Stan look even more horrified. "Dude…are you fucking kidding me?!" he asked.

"I know, dude, you see what I mean? Cartman is a fucking asshole!" Kyle said, certain of it now more than ever.

"Well, if you ask me," Butters said, inopportunely deciding to give his opinion on the matter, "I think Wendy's bein' a slut. I mean, isn't she supposed to be _your_ girlfriend, Stan?"

"Dude, shut up, Butters," Kyle said, becoming increasingly annoyed with him.

"Dude…we gotta do something," Stan said as if it were a fact rather than a suggestion.

"Well, no shit, dude!" Kyle replied in agreement.

"C'mon, let's go," Stan said, waving his arm in the direction of the door. Kyle walked alongside Stan as the two made their way out of the school and into the broad daylight outside.

They walked in silence for a while, their eyes straight ahead, both with determined looks on their faces. Eventually, however, Kyle came to a sudden realization.

"Uh, Stan," he said, turning his head to look at him. "What exactly is the plan, dude?"

Stan abruptly stopped in his tracks. "Oh, fuck, dude! I have no idea! I was hoping you'd be able to come up with something," he said.

"Dude…" Kyle began, ready to mock Stan for his idiocy, but he suddenly thought of something. "Wait…I think I have an idea. We're gonna need somebody else's help, though."

Stan looked interested to hear the idea. "Okay," he said, "like who?"

"Uh…" Kyle pondered. Who the hell could they trust to do what Kyle had in mind? He knew that it definitely wouldn't be Butters, because not only did Kyle dislike him, he was also the one causing most of the drama with his big fucking mouth. No, it had to be someone reliable, someone they could fully trust… Kyle knew who that person was.

And so, within a few minutes, Stan and Kyle were standing on the kid's doorstep, pounding on the door, since the doorbell didn't work.

"Where the hell is he?" Kyle asked impatiently, giving the door one final knock with his fist before giving up.

"I have no idea, dude. Maybe he's not home," Stan deduced.

"Well, fuck, I don't know what to do then," Kyle said, feeling like he had already been defeated and that there was just no use now.

"Hey, guys," they heard a familiar muffled voice say.

They turned around and were pleasantly surprised to see Kenny, the person they were trying to find in the first place. "Kenny!" they said excitedly in unison.

"Where the fuck were you, dude?" Kyle wondered.

"Oh, I was just trying to get that Tammy chick to give me another blow job," Kenny said.

His two friends looked disgusted, yet at the same time, they weren't surprised. "Dude…oh, whatever, nevermind. Look, we need your help with something," Kyle informed him.

"Yeah?" Kenny asked with sudden interest. "Does it involve me getting laid?"

Kyle shook his head.

"Oh," Kenny said, temporarily disappointed, but he shrugged it off. "Well, fine, I guess I'll do it."

"Good," Kyle said, and then he remembered something else. "Oh, wait, dude, one thing before you do this…you don't like Wendy, do you?"

"Wendy? Nah, not really. I mean, she's hot, but that chick is fucking _annoying_," Kenny said. He noticed the angry looks on his friends' faces. "No offense, guys. You know, come to think of it…I actually remember having a dream about Wendy this one time. She was naked, and I was naked, and-"

"Aww, dude! Sick!" Stan interrupted him, mortified that he actually _did _have a sex dream about Wendy. "Stop, please. Let's just do this already."

About an hour later, after searching around a little bit, the three boys figured out that Cartman and Wendy were at Cartman's house, doing God knows what.

Kyle and Stan watched Kenny close by from behind a tree. He was on Cartman's porch, repeatedly ringing the doorbell, hoping that _someone_ would come to the door. Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Kenny, the door flew open.

"Kenny?" Cartman asked, confused to see him. "What the hell do you want?"

"Nothin', but listen, can I talk to you for a sec?" Kenny asked.

Cartman was very suspicious of Kenny, for reasons he couldn't quite put his finger on. His eyes moved to either side of him, and then back at Kenny. "Did Stan or Kyle send you?" he asked warily.

"No," Kenny lied.

Cartman still wasn't entirely sure. "Really?"

"Yeah, really," Kenny promised.

Cartman stepped out of his house, closing the door behind him, and he now stood face to face with Kenny on the porch. "Alright, what? You'd better make this fucking quick."

"Why?" Kenny asked with a quizzical look on his face, though no one could ever really distinguish any of Kenny's facial expressions, since most of his face was always covered up by his hood.

"Because I-" Cartman was about to blurt something out, but he caught himself. "I, uh, I'm busy, that's all."

"Busy, huh?" Kenny asked with a suggestive smirk. "Doing what?"

"Hey, don't give me that look, Goddammit!" Cartman shouted, able to catch a glimpse of Kenny's teasing grin. "Look, I'm just with Wendy, alright?"

Yes, perfect, that's _exactly_ what Kenny was waiting to hear. "Oh, really? How interesting," he said, pretending as if it was news to him. "So…does she suck a mean dick?"

"WHAT?! Dude, gross, Kenny!" Cartman said, his face turning a bright shade of red, which seemed to amuse Kenny, as he persisted on the topic.

"Damn, I wish she'd suck _my_ dick…" Kenny said expectantly.

"Since when do _you_ like Wendy?" Cartman asked, immediately seizing the opportunity to change the subject.

"I don't," Kenny said right away. "But you sure as fuck do. Come on, admit it."

Cartman's whole body tensed up. He could almost feel all of his muscles and nerves tightening inside of him, and he didn't know what to do about it, for he had never felt like this before. He was normally able to find a way out of just about any awkward position that he was placed in, but this was completely different for Cartman. The extreme discomfort that he was experiencing was _really_ starting to just piss him off.

"Okay, FINE!" he bellowed, unable to take it anymore. "I fucking like Wendy!"

"HA!" Kyle said, jumping out from behind the tree. He had his index finger pointed at Cartman. "I KNEW IT!"

"What the…" Cartman mused, seeing Stan walk out as well, with his arms crossed. "Fuck, this was a set up!"

"Yeah, that's right, Cartman," Stan said, giving him a threatening glare, "and now…you're gonna fucking get it."

Cartman looked at each of his so-called friends, his eyes narrowing. "And just what the hell do you fags plan on doing?" Cartman asked, thinking they were all just bluffing.

But they definitely had something in mind.


	11. Time to Choose

Author's Note: You know, stupidly enough, I _just_ realized that I forgot to mention something that I probably should've mentioned in the first chapter, which is that I don't own the title, _Before He Cheats._ It's actually a song by Carrie Underwood. To be honest, I wanted to come up with a clever, original title for my story, but I literally couldn't think of anything _at all_, so I decided to just use this title, since it seemed to fit.

* * *

"Goddammit, you guys are such assholes! Untie me right now!" Cartman screamed as he vigorously wiggled back and forth in a chair. His wrists were tied together behind his back with some string, and a larger rope was tied around his entire body so that he was fastened to the chair.

It may have seemed like a difficult task for three small boys to grab and tie down a much, much heavier boy, but surprisingly, they somehow managed to do it within a few minutes. Cartman definitely didn't make it easy, though. He fought his friends along the way, and there was a lot of shoving, kicking, and punching before Stan, Kyle, and Kenny finally strapped Cartman to the chair.

And so, there they were, all grinning victoriously as Cartman continued squirming about in his chair.

"Should we do it now?" Kenny asked Kyle and Stan, the two masterminds behind the whole plan of getting revenge on Cartman.

"Uh…I don't know, what do you think, Kyle?" Stan asked, turning to his best friend to make a decision on the matter.

Needless to say, Kyle was relishing this moment the most out of everyone. Up until this point, Cartman had fucked Kyle over in so many numerous ways in the past, but finally, the tables were turned, and now Cartman was the one at Kyle's mercy. Revenge really was sweet.

"Hmm…I think we should let him suffer just a little bit longer," Kyle replied, his eyes still glued onto the struggling Cartman sitting in front of him.

"Dude, wait a minute…" Stan said, looking around Cartman's living room. "Where the hell is Wendy?" His eyes immediately locked onto Cartman again.

Cartman stopped moving about when he realized that all three boys were staring daggers at him. "What?" he asked.

"Where's Wendy, fatass?" Kyle repeated Stan's question.

Cartman kept his eyes focused on Kyle only. "I'll tell you, Jew…if you untie me first," he said, offering an ultimatum.

"Yeah, I don't think so," Kyle said. "She's probably just in your fucking room, anyway. I'm gonna go check." He turned to do just that, ignoring Cartman's protests as he made his way up the stairs.

Stan looked over at Kenny, who was now sitting comfortably on Cartman's couch. "Dude," he said to get Kenny's attention. Kenny looked at him. "You know what to do." Then he started walking up the stairs to meet up with Kyle, and hopefully, find Wendy.

After Stan was gone, Kenny hopped off the couch and advanced toward Cartman, who had a look of terror on his face.

"Hey, come on, Ken, let's talk about this," Cartman pleaded.

"There's really nothing to talk about," Kenny said. "I'm just obeying the orders that Stan and Kyle gave me."

"Oh, come on, do you _really _have to listen to everything those two assholes say?" Cartman asked.

Kenny was caught off guard for a second. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?" he asked suspiciously.

"Look, all I'm saying is that you shouldn't be their little bitch. Make your own Goddamn decisions for once, Kenny!" Cartman said.

Kenny's eyebrows noticeably lowered in anger. "Okay, you know what? I _was _gonna do what Stan and Kyle asked me to do, but just for that, I'm gonna do something else to you instead," he said. "Fuck Stan and Kyle's plan."

Cartman gulped, the fear in him quickly taking over. "What are you gonna do?" he asked worriedly.

Kenny grinned.

* * *

"Wendy?" Kyle asked, pushing open the door to Cartman's room. He saw Wendy as soon as he walked in. She was sitting on Cartman's bed, her feet dangling off the edge and swaying back and forth.

"Kyle?" Wendy said in confusion, since she obviously wasn't expecting to see him there whatsoever. "What are you doing here?"

"I just stopped by to…you know, take care of some business," Kyle replied. He really wasn't in the mood to explain everything to Wendy.

Then, out of nowhere, Stan came bursting through the door. "I CAUGHT YOU-" Stan yelled, but then cut off his own sentence once he saw that Kyle was standing right there, and Wendy was all the way on the other side of the room. "Oh, uh, wow. Nevermind."

"Dude, what the hell? What did you think was going on up here? Did you think me and Wendy were actually, you know, _doing _something? You seriously don't trust me?" Kyle asked, mostly only caring about that last question.

"No, no, it's not _you_ that I don't trust, dude. It's Wendy," Stan said, pointing at her in an accusing manner.

"_Me_?" Wendy asked, her eyebrows shooting up out of complete surprise.

"Yeah! Dude, Kyle told me what you did, Wendy! He said you kissed Cartman, and don't try to lie and say you didn't, because we both know it happened," Stan said.

"What? But…uh…oh God…" Wendy said, putting her head in her hands. She was deeply ashamed of herself, and not only was she now having serious regrets about what she did, she was also wishing she could just take it all back.

"Look, Wendy, I just need to know something," Stan said as he began approaching her. He stopped when he was just a few centimeters away from her face, and once he was, he tucked a hand under her chin and lifted her head up until her eyes met his. He saw that there were tears in her eyes, but it was almost impossible to feel sorry for her at a time like this. Not after what she did. "Why?" he finally asked.

She blinked hard, which caused a tear to escape from one of her eyes and roll down her cheek. "I…I don't _know, _Stan! I mean, I know you weren't _trying _to hurt me, but you really did, and as much as I can't stand Cartman…well…he was trying to comfort me, and I…I guess I was just feeling vulnerable…"

As Wendy poured her heart out to Stan, Kyle was watching it all unfold from across the room. He was feeling very awkward then, like he was the third wheel, and that he should probably leave the room so that the two of them could have some privacy.

He saw Stan sit on the bed next to Wendy. Yeah, now Kyle knew for sure that it was definitely time for him to go. If he stayed any longer, he would probably have to witness the two of them kiss and make up…literally. Hell, they probably already forgot that Kyle was still in the room with them. He decided he would just sneak right out. They wouldn't notice anyway.

Just as he was about to leave, he suddenly heard a loud scream coming from downstairs. "What the hell?" Kyle asked aloud absentmindedly. "Was that Cartman?" He bolted out of Cartman's room, not even realizing that Stan and Wendy were following behind him as he ran down the stairs to see what the hell was going on.

Kenny stopped what he was doing and turned when he heard the footsteps coming from behind him. "What?" he asked innocently.

"Dude, Kenny, what the _hell_ are you doing?" Kyle asked, noticing that Kenny was holding a black Sharpie marker in his right hand.

"I'm just having a little fun, that's all," Kenny said, maintaining the innocent tone in his voice.

Kyle walked over to Kenny and pushed him out of the way so he could see for himself what Kenny did. His mouth immediately fell open when he laid his eyes on Cartman.

"What? What the hell did that poor son of a bitch draw on my forehead?" Cartman asked. He could tell that, by the look on Kyle's face, it had to be something bad.

Kyle was very hesitant with his reply. "Uh…it's a…"

"Penis," Kenny answered for him. "It looks good, doesn't it? I was gonna draw boobs on his cheeks next, but then _you_ guys showed up."

"Goddammit, Kenny!" Cartman growled.

Both Stan and Wendy were trying to hold back their laughter.

"Ay, wipe that fucking smile off your face, Stan!" Cartman ordered, spotting him near the staircase, but Stan just broke out into a laughing fit then. Wendy did the same. "I hate you guys," Cartman said under his breath. "Alright, seriously, I've had enough of this crap. Untie me already!"

"No, fatass, not until you apologize," Kyle said.

"Apologize?" Cartman asked, saying it as if it was the strangest request he had ever heard. "For what?"

"For kissing Wendy, dumbass," Kyle replied.

The atmosphere in the room changed then. Stan and Wendy had stopped laughing, and now everyone looked solemn. There was so much tension in the air that you could practically cut it with a knife.

"I'm _not_ apologizing for that," Cartman said sternly.

Kyle folded his arms. "Why not?" he asked.

"Because I'm not fucking sorry for doing it, that's why!" Cartman snapped back. "That ho isn't sorry about it either. Isn't that right, Wendy?"

All four boys looked at Wendy now. She stared back at them with fear in her eyes.

"Yeah, you know what, I'm sick of this," Stan said. "Who's it gonna be, Wendy? Me or him?"

* * *

Additional Author's Note: I feel like sharing a random story with you guys…

So, my brother won a game at this little fair that we all went to this past weekend, and the prize he picked out was a Stan plushie, and do you wanna hear the sweet part? He gave it to me.

…Well, I basically _stole_ it from him, but I did ask him if I could have it, and he said yes.

It's really cute. The poofball on Stan's hat is so fluffy. :D

On another note, next chapter is the last one! I dunno if that's considered good news or bad news, though… But, in the meantime, I'm interested to know what you guys thought about this chapter, so…you know what to do. ;D


	12. Old Habits Die Hard

Author's Note: So, here it is, the final chapter. Sorry it took so long.

But I have to say that I honestly can't believe I started writing this story in May, back when I was still in freaking high school and hadn't graduated yet. And now, I'm starting college in just a few weeks… Time really does fly.

Anyway, I can't thank you guys enough for reviewing! :D I always enjoy reading what each of you has to say. Your reviews really do help/encourage me to keep writing. (Also, thanks to those of you who commented about my Stan plushie. ;D)

All I have to say about this last chapter is that some of you are gonna be very happy with Wendy's decision… (I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I just couldn't help myself. XD)

And this is the longest chapter out of all of them. Also, there are two big kissing scenes. :D 'Cause one just isn't enough, am I right? XD

* * *

Wendy gaped at Stan. Her expression was unreadable. She was as pale as a ghost, and all of the blood had drained from her face. It was the most uncomfortable feeling she had _ever_ experienced. The pressure of making a decision like this was just too much for her to handle. "I, uh…" she finally began to speak, but she fell silent again after that. She nervously took a strand of her long, black hair and curled it tightly around her finger, now avoiding Stan's gaze by looking down at the floor.

Stan kept staring at her with harsh eyes. He knew that she was obviously confused about her feelings, but he didn't care. He wanted an answer from her, and he wanted it _now_. "Well?" he asked impatiently.

Wendy looked back up at Stan, releasing the lock of hair from her finger. "Could I maybe… talk to Kyle alone for a second?" she asked seemingly out of nowhere.

"Me?" Kyle asked incredulously. He was _very_ surprised, to say the least, that she said his name.

"Yeah, it'll be quick, I promise," Wendy said, looking at Stan in some kind of hopeful, pleading manner.

Stan looked just as surprised as Kyle was, for he had no idea what Wendy's intentions could possibly be, but he figured that if Wendy did whatever she needed to do, she'd be able to make up her mind that much faster. "Fine, whatever," he said with a shrug.

Wendy smiled as she walked over to Kyle, took him by the hand, and led him out of the room. Kyle was forced to follow her into the hallway, growing more and more confused as Wendy then dragged him into another room, which turned out to be a spare bedroom. Wendy quickly let go of his hand to slam the door shut, giving them total privacy.

Kyle stared at her, and he couldn't help but notice the way she was grinning at him in such a… seductive way. He immediately began to feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest as she took a few steps closer to him.

"S-So, uh… why'd you want to talk to me, exactly?" Kyle asked, his uneasiness being clearly evident by the shaky sound in his voice.

Wendy now stood right in front of Kyle, a mere several inches away from his face. She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. "You have a crush on me, Kyle?" she asked playfully.

Kyle's eyes nearly popped out of his head. He absentmindedly started backing away from Wendy, because really, she was a little _too_ close for comfort.

"W-Well, yeah, b-but it's not like it's anything serious," he stammered, backing up even further as Wendy continued to approach him. He backed up so far that he hit right into the wall. Shit, she had him cornered now.

Wendy finally stopped, once again, at a dangerously close distance from Kyle. "Why do you like me?" she asked.

Kyle gulped, giving a quick pull on the collar of his jacket for some air. It felt extremely hot in that room all of a sudden. "Well, I… what do you mean?" he asked.

"It's a simple question," Wendy said, somewhat annoyed with him for not being able to realize that. "What do you like about me?"

"What do I _like_ about you?" Kyle repeated the question, since he really couldn't think of anything else to say, since he was at such a complete loss for words. "Shit, dude, there's a lot of things I like about you, Wendy," Kyle said, his heart suddenly stepping up to do the talking. "You're smart, you're confident, you're tough… I mean, you don't take shit from _anyone_, and you're not afraid to stand up for yourself… I just think that's fucking awesome. Plus, you're… really pretty, too…" He decided to end his rant with that, because if he went on any longer, he'd just be getting carried away, which he most likely already did anyway.

Wendy smiled widely at Kyle, and then she leaned her face even closer to his. "Kiss me," she whispered.

Kyle blushed madly, and his entire body heated up even more. He felt like he was going to pass out, but before his mind could even register what was happening, he found himself closing the tiny gap between them by gently pressing his lips into Wendy's. Her lips felt so warm and soft against his. He placed his hands on the small of Wendy's back, pulling her in closer until their bodies bumped together.

Wendy gradually pulled back from Kyle, allowing a few seconds for the tender moment to just soak in. Kyle's heart was now racing faster than it was before, if that was even humanly possible. He released Wendy from his grasp, and she took a step backward to give both of them some room to breathe.

"That was… nice," Wendy said in between long breaths.

"Yeah," Kyle agreed.

They stared at each other for a couple more seconds, though it felt like an eternity to Kyle, until finally, Wendy broke the awkward silence. "Look, Kyle, I _do_ like you. I mean, you're really smart, probably even smarter than me, and you're kind, and very caring, and compassionate, but the thing is…" She felt her heart sink to the bottom of her stomach then. "I just… I don't like you like _that_. And I obviously can't _force_ myself into liking you, because that really wouldn't be fair to me or to you, either. I hope you understand, Kyle. The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings."

Kyle felt a sharp pain in his chest. It didn't take him two seconds to figure out that it was his heart that was causing it. "Of course I understand," he said with a sad smile. "You can't help what your heart wants, right?"

Wendy easily saw right through him. She laid her hand on his arm and gave it a comforting squeeze. "I'm sorry, Kyle," she said with sadness in her voice. "I really am. I hope we can still be great friends, because you really are a sweet person. You deserve someone better than me. I honestly mean that."

He gave her another half-hearted smile. "Thanks," he said. "I'd like it if we could still be friends." He genuinely meant that, too, because despite the fact that he was feeling utterly heart broken, he knew that a friendship with Wendy was better than nothing.

Who was he kidding anyway? He already knew from the beginning that Wendy loved Stan, and that the two of them were meant to be together. That was the whole reason why he was suppressing his feelings for Wendy in the first place. He never wanted to come between her and his best friend. His friendship with Stan was way too important for him to ever do something like that.

"Thank you, Kyle," Wendy said, giving his arm one last squeeze before letting go and turning around to leave the room.

Kyle waited quietly for Wendy to open the door, and then he followed behind her as she made her way back into Cartman's living room.

"Jesus fucking Christ! It's about damn time!" Cartman yelled. He was feeling angrier than usual because, not only was he pissed off by the fact that they were all still anxiously awaiting to hear Wendy's decision, but he was also _still_ tied to that Goddamn chair.

Wendy completely ignored his outburst as she walked across the room until she reached Cartman. She then plopped herself right onto his lap and instantly pushed her lips into his. Cartman let out a stifled moan, both out of surprise and pleasure. He couldn't do much, though, considering his hands were still trapped behind his back. He decided, instead, to work his tongue into Wendy's mouth. She gladly accepted the entrance of his tongue and affectionately stroked it back with hers.

Both Kyle's and Stan's jaws had practically dropped to the floor as they gawked like idiots at Cartman and Wendy.

"Damn," Kenny said in awe. He had to admit, seeing the two of them make out like that was… kinda turning him on. "Give it to her good, fatass!" he cheered.

Stan and Kyle took one look at each other and immediately headed for the front door. Stan hurriedly grabbed the doorknob and turned it, opening the door just enough for the two of them to sneak right out. He closed it behind him and walked beside Kyle.

"Dude… just… dude," Kyle said in shock.

"I can't fucking _believe_ I lost Wendy to that fat son of a bitch," Stan remarked, mostly to himself rather than to Kyle.

"I'm sorry, dude," Kyle said, stretching his arm out and wrapping it around Stan's shoulder.

Stan smiled at the gesture and did the same. "It's okay," he said, patting Kyle's back. "At least I've still got you, Kyle."

"Shit, of course, you do, Stan. You know I'll always be there for you," Kyle said supportively.

Hearing that made the grin on Stan's face grow bigger. "Yeah, I know," he said. "You're the best."

Kyle smiled, too, quickly forgetting everything that had just occurred. Because really, the only thing that mattered to him was that he had his best friend by his side. That was all he cared about.

"Hey, dude, I think you were right about something, though. I'd probably be better off if I were just gay," Kyle said, chuckling.

Stan laughed at that as well. "Me too, dude," he replied jokingly.

Well… maybe only _half_ jokingly…

* * *

It was Monday morning, and all of the students were quietly sitting in their seats, taking their 'extremely difficult' science test, as described by Mr. Garrison.

Cartman stared down at his blank paper. He had one hand pressed to his forehead, the other holding his pen. He tapped it up and down against his desk. He knew he was screwed for this test. He fucking hated science. Seriously, who gives a shit about what the electric charge of a proton is? It was just so pointless and lame.

Of course, it also didn't help much that he hadn't studied for this test whatsoever. He was too busy hanging out with Wendy.

Goddamn that ho! Why did she have to distract him so much? Just thinking about her was enough to drive him crazy.

Shit. He would definitely have to make her pay for doing this to him. Maybe he could do that by slamming her up against the lockers and kissing the fuck out of her in front of everybody. She would totally _hate_ that. After all, she already made it clear to him that she wanted to keep their new relationship a secret from the rest of the school as long as they possibly could.

But fuck that. Cartman _wanted_ everybody to know that Wendy was his girlfriend. Besides, kissing her like that sounded like it would be kinda hot…

Goddammit. He really had it bad for that ho.

He shook himself from his thoughts and brought his focus back to his untouched science test. He looked at the clock and found out that he was almost out of time. He was running out of options now, and he had to do _something_, otherwise he was going to fail the test, and then he'd have to re-take it, which would suck balls.

He stealthily moved his eyes to look at Kyle's paper. He noticed that Kyle was writing something in big, bold letters. He squinted to read what it was.

_GO SUCK A DICK, FATASS!_

Kyle turned his head and smirked evilly at Cartman.

Cartman grumbled under his breath. Well, fuck, that wasn't going to help him pass the test, now was it?

So, it seemed like he'd just have to cheat off of someone else…

Cartman looked to the opposite side of him to see Stan finishing up his test. He decided that copying Stan's answers would have to do for now. He stared at Stan's paper, trying to read what was written on it. He did a double take and nearly fell out of his seat when he saw what Stan was currently writing.

Cartman grinned cunningly. Apparently Stan was over Wendy and had a new crush now…

Let the blackmailing begin.

**THE END**

* * *

Additional Author's Note: Oh, Cartman, when will you ever learn? XD He's such an evil bastard. And yet, he's the one who ended up with Wendy. I hope you guys were happy with that outcome. I just love that pairing.

But I wanted to include that scene with Kyle and Wendy, too, because the whole story revolved around his not-so-secret crush on her, so I felt that they needed some kind of 'love' moment.

And yes, there was some implied Style toward the end. Please don't hate me for it. XD That friendship scene between them has got to be the sappiest thing I've ever written. I apologize if it was a little too corny. I wasn't even planning on writing it like that, I swear. I just sort of let it happen.

Aww, I'm kinda sad that my story is over now. D:

But anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and reviewing my story. I really appreciate it. I love you all, and I hope you had as much fun reading my story as I had writing it. ^_^

Love,

Angelic Guardian


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